Both of These are Poison

One is the legendary 80s band that brought us the power ballad “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.”

The other is the first five words of a sentence that seeks to destroy….“I don’t normally ______, but….” Anything that comes after this opener will be destructive, mean, or inappropriate.

“I don’t normally gossip but listen to this.…”
“I don’t normally say things like this, but.…”

When someone uses this justification language, you can make a safe bet that they do, in fact, actively engage in what they say they “don’t normally” do.

If you don’t normally, then don’t now. It’s not too late to stop doing what you “don’t normally” do.

Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song.
Every rose has its thorn.

What is in a Name? 

Leaders, a simple word change that builds two-way respect and loyalty.  When introducing a person that works for you, especially outside of the office in social settings, don’t refer to them as your employee. 

Call them your coworker.

Instead of saying, “I’d like you to meet John, one of my employees," try saying, “I’d like you to meet my coworker, John."

When asked, “How do y’all know each other?” Avoid saying, “John works for me" and try substituting, “John and I work together.”

There is still a time and place to highlight the hierarchy and prominence of your position, but that isn’t usually the case in social settings. 

Do you have experience with a boss (or a boss’s boss) referring to you as a coworker and not as “their employee” outside of work? 

Reframe Your Tasks...

What do you have to do today? 

You have to take the kids to soccer, or mow the lawn, or clean out the garage, or put in extra work before your family wakes up, or visit a loved one in the hospital, or study for an exam, or help a friend move….

What is on your list?

I bet there is a lot that you say you have to do today.  But here’s the deal – You don’t have to do anything.

You literally don’t have to do any of the tasks I named of the ones in your head.

Each one is a choice, and each one is a blessing. You get to do all of your tasks today.

You get to take the kids to soccer – enjoy every minute because they don’t stay young for long.

You get to mow the lawn – congrats, you have a lawn; that’s pretty cool.

You get to visit your loved one in the hospital – what an incredible gift it is to love and be loved by others in a way that we stick together during the most challenging times.

Here is today’s challenge: Speak new words out loud when you talk about what’s ahead.

When someone asks what you are up to today, say, “well, I get to _____, then I get to _____.”

It will feel forced at first, but with enough practice, it will become your go-to reaction, and eventually, it will improve your inner dialogue.

What do you get to do today?